Life and its many connotations

Its been quite a long time since I have written anything, so this blog post might be a little rusty around the edges but bear with the contents. Life, hmm, has been quite interesting lately marked by the events of marriage; developing and understanding situations from a whole different stand point. Writing this post after watching an incredibly touching movie, I want to capture some of the memories of childhood, parents, post graduate studies and the most recent one of meeting my better half.

Its amazing how life unfolds through the days and years in a series of twists and turns marked by your behavior and attitude that we display in those moments. In my post-graduate studies, I would often switch off the lights in the night and gaze through the darkness rewinding and replaying the good and bad incidents of the past. As I would often fall asleep through them; I would wake up in the morning with a fresh perspective, feeling humbled by my actions, behaviors and attitude and also a deep founded respect towards my parents, brothers and sisters .

Through this, there would be an awareness, so as to say, from recounting those incidents and watching yourself -in words, tone and actions; from the eyes from a person virtually present in that exact same time. This routine would help me in evaluating my behaviour in a relatively short span of time and form a self-corrective nature.

But as life keeps moving along, you get busy. For me, Busy is a hypocritical word. The word keeps you engaged in things and events that give you little or no happiness of being in that state. It is like a suspended state of action with little or no time left for thinking about the actions executed, words spoken, tones used or attitude exhibited. There is little time left for feeling and emotions; and striking things off from the to-do-list becomes the most important objective of the day. When even remembering the almighty for a moment just after hitting the bed becomes a thing that you postpone to the next day and so on and so forth.

For the last couple of days, after getting married to a person whom I have come to respect in un-imaginable terms, I've been having conversations with myself about exploring the next thing in life to set, to do and to accomplish. While I may not have a found an exact answer to those questions, what I have come to realize is a new connotation to the word "life".

In simple terms, Life is about being aware. Aware about the transformations taking place in the lives of people around you. Aware about the stage of life your parents are progressing on, understanding that they are no longer as active as they used to be. Aware of the small small changes like the warmness of their hands amid the wrinkles that criss cross them, the softness of their skin and the silky whites that grace their heads. I don't know about others, but observing such things instills a sense of pride and confidence about them. At the same time, it also pushes me to perform actions that bring a smile on their face and make them happy.

Aware about the stage of life your siblings and their families are and taking out time to become an important contributor and shape memories for the years ahead. Also for those really cool and admirable uncles and aunts and teachers and neighbors, to whom we used to look upto when life's definition comprised of 3 simple actions - school, cricket and tv. Taking time out and being part of such small conversations immediately plunges you back into those really warm "etched in memory and frozen in time" moments like an India vs Pakistan match in the 2003 world cup and you cramming for a board exam in the hot store room upstairs.

As I am writing this post, another thought comes to my mind that being aware is an incomplete reference for life. After all there are 2 lives that are being talked about - yours and of the people who matter the most to you. So being aware of the lives of people around you needs to be complemented with balancing your own life. Now this may seem a simple word "balance"; which essentially means striking an equal between 2 or more things. However, the challenge for most working professionals is to find the their own definition of the word. While for some it may mean striking corporate success, to some it may be sustainable work and pay and good peer atmosphere. Where most people in my age group fail is observing the state of "other happy" people from a distance and evaluating their definition of balance and then trying to fit their lives in that mirage of a definition.

As I conclude this, I too, am trying to express the billions of thoughts running through me, trying to pen them down and re-read them to think, feel and develop a new perspective about life.

PS- writing something after a very long time, ignore some grammatical accidents.

Work 1.0.!!

Heylo.Quite some time.Well lots to write about.
So here begins the journey!Jump on board.

Out of college.Out of home.To make the world my home!(haha..sounds funny)
Excited to work with the largest car organization in the country.
Cool experience; one from which learnings were immense.
Induction into the company, company presentations
From Core values and ethics
To Assertiveness and Presentation skills.
Interacting with group heads,business heads and even pantry guys (the most important people, seriously,they'll help you out when the entire office is against you)
Group CEO's appreciating gave a real high.
"The only difference was of a business suit"!!-Alok,would always remember that my friend.
Made some really awesome friends and seniors.

The "Paying Guest Stint", the bloody sinus,the Kashmiri friend, the long night discussions, the "Sports Bar" nights, the Tuborg and Peanut masala,the 3rd floor Beverly Hills apartment,the happy birthdays, the misty mornings, the sunrise pushups on the terrace, the morning rush to office, the drives back home.

The "Own Flat Awesome Period",
The midnight snacking, the Facebook "checking out" nights
The business idea nights(Midnight Maggi B-Plan
The economics-politics, fate of country kind of discussions
The all night guitar-songs-beer-friends get togethers
The tussle with the cook aunti, the fights about cleaning the flat
The off-hand smoke(Gudang Garam) sitting in garden, the occasional HIGH!
The confirmation party on 16th December 2009,the 12 cheese burst pizzas, friends who got kicked out the next day

The 8:45 AM reporting time, the hangover office,the pathetic office lunch
The PVR movie plans, the study nights, the birthday party
The "Legendary Christmas Party" on 25th December 2009.
The Firefox Biking Mornings with friends
The mornings biking on Ashoka Road on way to Rashtrapati Bhavan!!
The salute to the guards at India Gate
The late night drives on NH8, eventually ending at India Gate eating Rs 5 Orange Bar Ice cream.

Work begins..Weight.Steel.Area.Plastic.Density.Rubber.Fixed & Variable cost.Market research,bench marking,new model,risk-gap-spend analysis, feasibility, profitability, viability..Wow..feels so high tech now!!

The resignation, the liberation
The 2 months of playing and enjoying.
Seniors and juniors(not exactly though, chottu's), the evening tennis matches..
Me,the badminton pro and the basketball champ, yea me!!hahahaa..Sultan sir and Ankita Pant. I get to write it here.Beat you to it. The long long lunches.
The Delhi restaurant exploration period
Coriander Leaf, Tito's, Moets, Sultans of Arabia, Not Just Paranthas, 21 Guns, Bigh Chill, Cafe Morisson, Rajouri, Lajpat Nagar, GK-M block.

The farewell.
Abhishek Sultan, Murthy Sir, Apurv Sir n kidos'-Ankita Pant n Amy!!
Cherish the lunches.
Miss kicking all of your asses in evening matches at MDI.
Miss the aimless drives to India Gate.
I know for sure luck is always with all you guys!!

Miss that passionate talks over smokes; first thing in morning!
Sultan Sir's "Phod ke ana!!"

Meet soon to catch up!!

Miss the times. (Sultan Sir's BBM says,"Ohh.koinaa..tym ka kya hai, fir aajega..")
The world is calling.
Where are you?!

0200 hours

4 mins past 0200 hours in the morning.
something clicked.something came unstuck after a really long time.
As i log onto my blog page, i realize it has been 373 days since my last post.long time huh..really it is a long time to get thoughts together in a single coherent paragraph.From start till end.
12 unfinished blogs.This just shows how so annoyingly i have failed to organize my thoughts together. it has been a real fighting year for me. fighting to deal with people. fighting to make it to the place where i want to go. fighting to make my voice heard in all the commotion. it is really hard to pen your thoughts in times when things are not going how you wished they'd go. Frankly, i am really understanding the meaning of all my previous blogs on life right now. But I am not going to cower, make a bad face or unjustly curse someone or something but am going to give it another "fight" and not let this become another of my unfinished blogs.

Life is not about being right or making the right choices all the time.It's as much about making mistakes and learning from them. It's so much more about learning to deal with things when you make all the right choices. It's about that desire, zeal and passion to achieve the things that you always dreamed off as a kid. Simply put it's about not giving up!!

It's about believing in yourself and your abilities. It's about being, doing and becoming. As for me I hit a roadblock on the streetlight called "doing" and took a wrong turn onto the road called "expecting". The state where a person gets dejected even after putting in effort.Over time it grows into a feeling of being unjustly unlucky. The state where all his sentences begin in the past tense and end there.

Over time the realization dawns; to get up in the morning and work hard,run hard,think hard,sweat hard,talk hard and enjoy hard; go the extra mile, make the additional gesture and stretch that extra bit just to make it count. To start living in the present; not the past, not the future,but The Present.
It is then that life begins to unfold its many mysteries and takes you on a roller coaster ride across countries, people and cultures.

Let go off the steering wheel
n throw out the map;
Put in the effort
n jump in the back;
Become a tourist in this ride,
Enjoy the uncertainty and relax.

You can shove it...

To Mr G San,
Well this animated behavior is an indication of your inability to convince me.Your inability or rather choosing not to learn English further testifies to your inflexible attitude.In a book i recently read, some high profile author who had spent better part of his life researching about economies and developing countries compared "YOU" to the Europe of the east of the pre-industrialization era. How i wish to inform him that "YOU" are in fact just a nation of hard working,pedantic weird,non-english speaking bunch of baboons.Nothing more, nothing LESS.
Sitting in the room with your ensemble of 3 interpreters,one may well think that a well-thought off, intellectual discussion might ensue, but alas i only hoped "YOU" didn't open your dumb witted brain and let your pathetic thoughts flow out your mouth.
"YOU" might have an IQ of 120 or 150,but unless you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth and are able to convince in a language that everyone in this world speaks, you are just as valuable to me as a penny found on the side of the street.And that is crap for me.
"YOU" are coming here to negotiate but does "YOUR" tiny brain even have the slightest knowledge of nuances of human interactions, the importance of body language and in general the courtesis of human behavior. For you Mr, I have only one simple question.How can one be so dumb-witted and stupid.
Waving your hands dramatically in a meeting and babbling incoherently in a meeting,
"YOU" don't even have the courage to look me in the eye.
But allow me to enlighten "YOU" on this so called subject of interpersonal skills, which i suppose seems to have been comfortably missed from your curriculum. They are not developed living in "YOUR" mama's home, nor can "YOU" learn those from the books and most certainly they cannot be learned unless you the know language in which the world communicates. Well, if you choose to adopt a condescending attitude to the things described above, then "my friend" from the land of the rising sun, "YOU" are just digging your own grave.Just remember that in 8 years time, 48% of the your population will over 30 years of age. "MY Friend",not a good position to be in.
So the next time "YOU" come for a meeting,think twice, loose the interpreters and look me in the eye.

2010...

Summer of 2010..Don't tell me; i know the phrase is clichéd,but I don't care.So here it is:the summer of 2010...
Hmm.,let me catch up,lot has happened,sun has gone up n down many number of times
times have changed -> changed has the world
world has moved on -> being on time has been a problem
problems have come to be called issues
is(i)sues used by people having serious issues
issues involving people -> people who do not smile
smile only the freshers -> fresher;me..
me made cool friends -> friends from different places
places we explored -> explored using Google maps
mapped the jungles of sariska ->sariska, a tiger reserve
reserve of beer cans in car
Car ride 1 to Rishikesh,
golf course to whirlpool, splashed in all rapids.
Rapids to the cliff jump, Maggi at the cliff jump,
jumping with joy soon led to a miserable time at office,
with no goal and no direction -> confusion and confidence hit rock bottom,
gave the CAT,was surprised.
Car ride 2 to airport
Delhi -> Chennai -> Mahabalipuram,with a great friend,
marveled at nature's beauty.
Car ride 3 to the airport
Delhi -> Bangalore.
Bangalore at Christmas,
Leela and the bowling allies, CCD's and the 'corner house'
'13th floor and the sea food festival'
'special is the word'
Special is the roar of a 350cc,twin spark 'Royal Enfield Classic'
Classic is the walk on the lake with a close friend..
Car ride 4 to airport
Delhi-> Bangalore -> Chennai -> ECR
ECR to the TAJ vivanta beach,
on the beach under the moonlit sky,
sky filled with stars
Feeling that a lot is yet to be done
immense opportunities yet to explore
New shores and new horizons beckon.!
This is just the start..!

5 minutes.!

There are only five minutes left
Until the end
And I just can't say good-bye

A friendship that seemed to last forever
Time always spent together
And now we're out of time

The memories we shared, the moments we had
The smiles you brought upon my face

The adventures we went through, alone just me and you
Five minutes left until our final good-bye
And i just can't say good-bye

The long talks we had
The smile on your face that recharged my veins
There are five minutes left
After that i may never see you again

Five minutes after which you
may not even remember me
Let me have the whole five minutes
Coz i may never get them again

FrustoBAR

Well long time since i was here.been busy.Well to start off,this is a write up of the frustration pent up in my head for a long time, one that hasn't eased much but have found a way of coping with it...

Life :a: quest..i'm as confused as anyone can be.Not knowing where i want to be.I hate myself for being this way.Being stuck in this city, in this work profile, with these people only compounds to my misery.Work begins at 9 & drags mercilessly through the day as a hot,dry gurgaon day.Gurgaon a city, or a desert, i'm confused again;...

With people( bosses)conspiring, conspicuosly & inconspicuously.Work that i find no interest in doing.People, i find no intention of talking or learning from..I often wonder,how people can have absolutely no self respect or integrity in kissing the anyone's ass..I hate such people.People who have serious ego issues.

But maybe this is another part of growing up.I don't know if i'll do MBA or what, but i have noticed that being a manager is quite a tough task. And people who don't know how to make work fun never enjoy the support of the subordinates. Many people argue that work cannot be fun,but that is exactly what is expected from managers.

Pathetic managers, there are in my department. Guys, i don't know from where,having absolutely no intelligence,having amassed the way to do things by virtue of the time spent in office,,dumb as an ass yet with the agility to jump in at the right moment and kiss anyone' ass,moving up the organizational hierarchy n becoming my manager.
So called managers, who find it difficult to frame a sentence, let alone speaking it in front of a group of people in English.I hate people who speak wrong English.I hate people who have distorted perceptions of their importance in the company.The sycophantic hierarchy that persists here.

Huh..The first time you see it, you are actually & positively disgusted to the core.But perhaps,the training period is HR's way to accustom you to what lies ahead.It is actually a good observation period,though.A time that lets you know that you are way better than most other people.

But what happens when you are surrounded by thousands of servile sycophantic people,all trying to have a go at your neck. You get accustomed to what you are doing. You get comfortable.You stop fighting the system. And when that occurs, you start falling down to their level.I don't know if i'm right or wrong or if i'll be laughing at myself when i read this some years from now, but as of now i think that what matters most is how you distinguish yourself from the crowd.
Being different, in your thinking,different in the way of working, your way of talking,not to take things for granted & most importantly not to take anyone's word for anything, to stick up against the system,to have the guts to make jokes about your boss when he can hear them,to challenge him,to question him,to beat him,to make mistakes,learn from them & giving it sum' back to your boss.....
A few apt lines from a book i read sometime back explain the thoughts clearly......

"A thousand voiceless faces
cast in the same mold
urging you to do as you're told...........

A thousand faceless voices
singing the same tone
urging you to drop
the song of your own>..........

Fight to rise above the crowd
cause when all's said n done
all u have to show is the little individuality you've earned"

Only way to survive thru this miserable ordeal in the organization is to make your own support structure of friends & close people, who help you chill out..Drink beer, get high,check out pretty girls,follow them & enjoy the part of life that is as crucial as any other...So you get up the next day,fresh from the life you lived yesterday & go to work with a spring in your step..Not be fazed by the dullness around you,holding the head a good 6 feet above the ground,humming the songs you like, to keep the zeal of learning & getting out, the most important thing in your life over and above any work you do..

It is important to live your life and not make work your life...

Cheers!!Hic..